


Empty

by LiterallyThePresident



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Bodhi just kinda zones out sometimes, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Worried!Cassian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 06:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9166624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiterallyThePresident/pseuds/LiterallyThePresident
Summary: His torture at the hands of Saw Gererra left its mark on Bodhi's mind, and Cassian starts to see the extent.





	

Bodhi sat curled up in the corner of the bed, staring blankly into the air. Cassian stared, the door sliding closed behind him, his confused gaze fixed on the unmoving man.

"Bodhi?" Cassian called, frowning when the man didn't acknowledge him. He stepped closer, Bodhi's eyes didn't even flicker in his direction.

"Bodhi?" Cassian reached out slowly, taking Bodhi's face in his hands. The lack of response sent a shiver of fear down his spine, the emptiness in the usually bright eyes was a horror normally found only in Cassian's nightmares.

"Bodhi, what is it?" he asked, trying very hard to keep his voice calm, "What's happening, Bodhi?" still no response, and Cassian was starting to get scared.

"Bodhi. Bodhi, I need you to answer me, okay? I need you to look at me." his hands slipped down to Bodhi's shoulders to give the man a gentle shake. "Bodhi, _cariño_ , look at me."

The pet name that always secured at least a smile had no effect. Bodhi's eyes remained distant, his body slack and motionless, the only indication that he was even alive was the slight rise and fall of his chest. Cassian gritted his teeth, not allowing panic to settle in. Quickly, he gathered Bodhi's limp form into his arms, standing up with the pilot cradled close, unresponsive and silent and far too light for Cassian's liking.

He couldn't lose Bodhi. He'd just started to let him in. The Force or whatever wouldn't be so cruel to rip Bodhi away just as he was beginning to love him.

The door slid open before he took two steps, Chirrut standing in his way with a look of sadness in those milky eyes.

"Move, Chirrut, Bodhi needs help." Cassian snapped, tightening his grip on Bodhi to try and ward off the urge to shove Chirrut aside.

"I know." came the maddeningly calm response, "But this is a battle he must fight on his own."

"What the hell does that mean? Get out of my way!" Cassian normally wouldn't dream of threatening the monk, but something was wrong with Bodhi and Chirrut was stopping him from getting help.

"You cannot help him, and the medbay may only make him retreat further into himself." Chirrut said, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him, heedless of Cassian's glare. He reached out and laid a hand on Bodhi's forehead, frowning at whatever he felt.

"What's wrong with him?" Cassian demanded, as close to hysterical as he could get.

"That's for Bodhi to tell, not me." Chirrut murmured, stroking his hand over Bodhi's hair in an almost fatherly manner, "I believe it's best for you to just watch him for now. He'll come back in his own time."

"You're telling me to just, what, wait?" Cassian demanded, "Just hope he comes back?"

"He will." Chirrut remained calm in the face of Cassian's thinly veiled terror, "You trust me, yes?"

"Barely." Cassian snapped, but he reluctantly acquiesced to Chirrut's wishes and laid Bodhi back onto the bed with a gentleness reserved only for him. Bodhi didn't move, didn't even blink. His glazed eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, his hands uncharacteristically still where they fell. With nothing else to do and no plans to leave his pilot alone, Cassian sat beside him, maneuvering them both so Bodhi's head rested in his lap. Chirrut smiled at them fondly, and left with a pat on Cassian's head. Cassian was sure he could somehow sense his scowl.

  
An hour passed. Two. Bodhi's silence was unnerving. He looked small. Vulnerable. He was completely defenseless and Cassian shuddered to think of what might have happened were he not in the safety of his own room. He sat quietly with Bodhi, a motionless hand held in his, ignoring his comm pinging. He could deal with Mothma later.

Three hours. Cassian found himself stroking Bodhi's hair, running a hand through the inky waves and untangling knots. He found some measure of comfort in the action.

Another half hour passed, Cassian was just starting to contemplate defying Chirrut and taking Bodhi to a doctor when a soft, sleepy voice drifted up from his lap.

"Cassian?" Bodhi murmured, voice hoarse from lack of use and something else Cassian couldn't identify. Cassian didn't bother trying to hide his relief when he looked down to meet Bodhi's eyes. Bodhi was looking at him, eyes focused and awake if slightly confused. He tried to sit up, and Cassian helped, hands firm and steady on his shoulders.

"Bodhi?" Cassian asked, searching his eyes for any hint of that terrible emptiness, "Are you... alright?"

"I'm sorry." Bodhi murmured. His eyes even lowering in shame, were vibrant and bright again. Relieved, Cassian crushed him to his chest, tension finally beginning to drain from him.

"My head hurts." Bodhi said, weakly returning Cassian's embrace, "Not that I'm not pleased, but why are you here?"

"You scared the hell out of me." Cassian whispered fiercely, cradling the pilot close, "What was that? Are you sick? Do I need to kidnap a doctor?"

"No no no I'm not sick. I mean-I don't think I-It-It's not a physical thing." Bodhi stammered, the familiar nervousness returning. Cassian pulled back just enough to look at him, searching his face.

"Then what...?" Cassian thought back to a dirty cell, the smell of rotting meat, and distant eyes eerily similar to what Cassian had seen mere moments ago. Realization dawned on him, and anger quickly followed.

"Gererra." he spat, unconsciously tightening his hold on Bodhi. Bodhi stared at a point just past Cassian's ear, fingers idly playing with the hem of Cassian's shirt.

"He's dead, Cassian." Bodhi said tiredly, "He can't hurt me anymore."

The protective gleam in Cassian's eyes didn't lessen. He leaned forward, pressing a feather light kiss to Bodhi's lips before enfolding him back into his embrace.

"I will never let anyone hurt you like that again." he said quietly, determination thrumming in his words, "I'm going to be there for you, Bodhi. Whenever you need me, and even when you don't. If... when this happens again, I'm going to watch over you. I'll do it every time, if you'll allow it."

Bodhi pushed down the surge of emotion swelling in his throat, wondering not for the first time what Cassian saw in him.

"There's no one I'd rather have." he said honestly, resting his chin on Cassian's shoulder, "Thank you. For everything. I-I'm gonna do my best to be someone who deserves you."

Cassian's only response was to hold him tighter.

**Author's Note:**

> It sucks, I know it sucks, but I'm tired of working on it.


End file.
